Yes, it affects me
too
I have a sister condition to bipolar disorder called cyclothymia. Judging by the behaviour of some of my close relatives I've probably inherited it.
Most of the time, I'm in a neutral mood without any problems. Every few months, my moods shift to varying degrees of severity – though not as wildly or for as long as full-blown bipolar disorder. It usually only lasts a week or two either way, then I return to normal.
During the depression, I lose my appetite and I sleep for longer. I become more withdrawn than I am already. I can't concentrate. I dwell on things beyond my control, like regrets or social faux pas - even from as far back as 15-20 years ago. I generally don't look after myself. It's usually quite mild, but when it's been really bad, I'll admit that I've thought about suicide – though never to the point of actually going through with it.
The other side could be described as "hyperactivity". I'm more impulsive. I have more energy and I sleep less. In the last period like this, I wrote 5 blogs in 2 hours. Then I went to the kitchen, sang the opening lines of "Ace of Spades" by Motorhead, and put lemonade in some milk. Then drank it. And ate some of the whey/cheese that formed. I don't even know why I did it, but I found it absolutely hilarious, like pretty much everything else. That was about 2 weeks ago.
It's affected my academic, professional life and relationships. I've passed on things I should've said yes to and equally done the opposite. It's made me very distrusting of other people except family and close friends because I'm used to being labelled as "strange" or "aloof" - especially during school years.
I'm probably making it sound more dramatic than it actually is. If I'm honest, I quite like it - it means I'm capable of feeling something at least, when I usually have an outward stoicism. Nobody, unless they've watched my behaviour closely, would realise that I could be enduring hell or hellraiser at any given moment. Apart from one incident - being robbed at knife point - I've never endured any psychological trauma to trigger it. It's like waking up in a completely different mood than that you went to bed with, for no obvious reason, yet beyond your control.
It's even helped me cultivate interests and my sense of humour - I don't think I would've been able to produce as many detailed blogs if I didn't have it. So I don't consider it a weakness. In fact, I consider it a part of my personality and something I can "live with" and turn to my advantage - the depression makes me more objective, the "mania" more productive, for example - than something that can ever "go away".
The Ending Stigma Campaign
Mental illnesses have physiological/physical causes, usually chronic neurotransmitter/brain chemical imbalances caused by an external stimulus, brain abnormalities or genetics.
However - except in cases of degenerative diseases - a doctor can't shine a light in someone's ear, or open up their skull and "see" the illness. All mental illness diagnoses are based on a personal perspective that can't be quantified by anything else other than the patient's word. You can choose whether to believe them or not.
We all know what physical pain feels like, so we can relate to that. Sometimes it shows itself via physical signs – bleeding for instance. However, you can't do that for mental illnesses other than judging behaviour. Most of the time, there won't be any outward signs at all.
There is no such thing as "looking depressed". That's probably the reason there's a misunderstanding about mental health in the first place.
Five AMs (Eluned Parrott, Llyr Huws Gruffydd, David Melding, Ken Skates and Bethan Jenkins) have been upfront about their own mental health experiences recently. If the Assembly is a true cross-section of society, there'll be around 15 current AMs who have some sort of mental illness. It's not something anybody likes to talk about, because you automatically get labelled and people assume that mental illness is something you can "shake off" or an "excuse" for poor behaviour.
I said I wouldn't bring this up again, but there's been so much verbal diarrhoea spouted I believe, regretfully, that I have to.
There's a philosophical principle called "cause and effect". One action will cause other actions as a consequence. It's perfectly reasonable to suggest that her depression will have contributed to Bethan Jenkins' drink-driving. That's not an "excuse", just an "effect."
Yes, she was irresponsible and reckless. She could've very easily injured or killed herself or someone else, and it was behaviour unbecoming of an elected representative. But I'm not cynical enough to believe she doesn't already know that, and it's a pointless exercise constantly going over what did or didn't happen.
She owned up immediately and has apologised several times. She's been punished as any of us would have – so she didn't, in any way, "get away with it".
Fortunately, we have a rule of law. That means these things are decided by judges working to set guidelines, not whatever the mob considers justice. As far as I'm concerned, the matter ended the moment she left court. Now she's working to make up for it.
Campaigning, and raising awareness of issues others might ignore, is something Bethan Jenkins specialises in. Obviously, she's turned her attention to mental health. She gave an interview to Wales on Sunday last week on her own experiences, joining the other AMs in working towards "ending stigma" with regard mental illnesses.
I'm no longer surprised by the nihilism and cynicism of Wales Online comments, but they really took the biscuit this time. People with mental illnesses : "shouldn't be allowed to vote on laws that affect our lives", "shouldn't be allowed to hold public office", mental illnesses "can't be self-diagnosed" and are a "cop out" etc. They might well have been aiming that at Bethan specifically, but it could easily apply to Eluned, Llyr, Ken and David.
Clearly, the commentators must be fellows of the Royal College of Psychiatrists to be able to judge mental illness from a photograph and words alone. They really must be a Brains Trust over there. Also – in a happy twist of irony – they kind of prove the whole point of the end stigma campaign.
I'd like them to imagine a female relative or friend who committed a similar crime, and who was also suffering from depression. How would they treat her? How would they react if someone said the same things about them from behind a banner of anonymity?
Despite what the commentators may think, Bethan's still a relative or friend to someone. As are all the other AMs they've indirectly attacked. Why should they be treated any differently because of their job titles? What do they expect them to do? Wear all black and have permanent scowls for the rest of their lives? Forming some Senedd tribute version of The Cure or Joy Division?
She was under no obligation to disclose personal information, or to give an interview in the first place, nor were any of the other AMs. They were all trying to do their jobs - raising awareness of an (often overlooked) issue that's affected them personally.
What all the AMs have done is incredibly brave, regardless of the circumstances that prompted them to do so. I don't like to see anyone get picked on like that when they've done the right thing – politician or not. When they're willing to expose themselves like that, they should be respected, not subject to laughs, threats and taunts from a chimps tea party.
Despite the statistics, I'm convinced ALL of us will experience some sort of mental illness at some point in our lives. After revealing my own problems, those commentators have stigmatised me too. I also have friends and family who are currently undergoing treatment for depression.
I'm armed with a half dozen neuroscience and psychology lectures, and spent a lot of time cutting up brains and looking under microscopes. I'm now going to do to the commentators what they were so keen to do to others.
The AMs can defend themselves. It's not for them. It's for everyone else who currently has to endure such pig ignorance and stigma from nameless, faceless cowards or members of the "general public".
How mentally ill are Wales Online commentators?
Paranoid personality disorder – A combative sense of "personal rights" that are out of whack with reality. A tendency to bear personal grudges for very minor, perhaps even non-existent, reasons. A conspirational attitude with regard every day events.
Histrionic personality disorder – A need to be at the centre of attention. Being deliberately provocative in acts or behaviour. Blaming personal failures on others. Style of speech and writing that is expressive but lacking in any concrete details or facts.
Antisocial personality disorder – Callous disregard for the feelings of others. Low tolerance to frustration, often resulting in aggressive behaviour. Lack of remorse for wrong doing. Chronic lying and use of aliases and pseudonyms.
Narcissistic personality disorder – Excessive self-importance. Excessive sense of entitlement. Using "black and white thinking" as a defence mechanism to reinforce their own self-esteem, meaning anyone who doesn't conform to their own standards is "inferior" or worthy of derision.
Sadism – Humiliates people in the presence of others. Excessively harsh in discipline. Takes pleasure from the suffering of others. Gets other people to do things by frightening them. Cowardly projection of hostile fantasies onto others. Excessive feeling of personal hopelessness or disappointment.
Psychological projection (via bullying) – Using coercion, taunts, rumours, harassment and threats to intimidate a target person. Usually caused by envy, low self-esteem or resentment. A strong need to dominate and control despite being actually very weak.
Compulsive Cervical Cymraeg Insertion Syndrome – An oral fixation involving the Welsh language. Usually characterised by a sexual obsession with aspirate mutations, digraphs and a sado-masochistic element where hatred for the Welsh language is used to derive sexual pleasure as a lone or group activity, usually via Welsh being "forced/rammed down the throat".
Coprophilia - I can't prove this. I'm just saying it because, based on everything above, I judge them to be the sort of people who would. The burden of proof's on them. If self-diagnosis for depression isn't good enough, neither is it good enough for this. So, I've diagnosed them myself. The commentators should have to provide hard evidence, from a qualified medical professional, that they're not coprophiles. Until they do, it's safe to assume any contrary claims are a denial of personal responsibility for their own disgusting actions.
Being a terrible human – One day, probably very soon, the people posting those comments are going to be on their death bed. Amongst their only recorded contributions to human knowledge, not even under their real names, was possibly making someone - who's done more for Welsh society in a single interview than they have with years of aimless rambling in comment sections - briefly feel bad about themselves.
They'll hopefully ask themselves - as they face becoming a putrefying, rotting corpse, or pile of ash - "What did I do with my life?" "Was I a good person?" There's not going to be a parade for them. People aren't going to remember their insightful contributions. They're not going to become a contrarian "legend" that everyone is going to pat on the back and say "you were right, we should've listened".
I'd want them to think back on what they've said about others, who - regardless of what those others might have done, or who they are - had the guts to publicly expose their own vulnerabilities. Not for their own good, but to make sure it doesn't have to happen to anyone else. Public service - something these commentators don't understand or appreciate.
I hope the commentators realise, as they shut their eyes for the last time, that quite a few people – even people they never even met – think that because of what they've said for that one brief, brainless, heartless moment, that all they are, and all they will ever amount to, is a waste of perfectly good skin.
I have a sister condition to bipolar disorder called cyclothymia. Judging by the behaviour of some of my close relatives I've probably inherited it.
Most of the time, I'm in a neutral mood without any problems. Every few months, my moods shift to varying degrees of severity – though not as wildly or for as long as full-blown bipolar disorder. It usually only lasts a week or two either way, then I return to normal.
During the depression, I lose my appetite and I sleep for longer. I become more withdrawn than I am already. I can't concentrate. I dwell on things beyond my control, like regrets or social faux pas - even from as far back as 15-20 years ago. I generally don't look after myself. It's usually quite mild, but when it's been really bad, I'll admit that I've thought about suicide – though never to the point of actually going through with it.
The other side could be described as "hyperactivity". I'm more impulsive. I have more energy and I sleep less. In the last period like this, I wrote 5 blogs in 2 hours. Then I went to the kitchen, sang the opening lines of "Ace of Spades" by Motorhead, and put lemonade in some milk. Then drank it. And ate some of the whey/cheese that formed. I don't even know why I did it, but I found it absolutely hilarious, like pretty much everything else. That was about 2 weeks ago.
It's affected my academic, professional life and relationships. I've passed on things I should've said yes to and equally done the opposite. It's made me very distrusting of other people except family and close friends because I'm used to being labelled as "strange" or "aloof" - especially during school years.
I'm probably making it sound more dramatic than it actually is. If I'm honest, I quite like it - it means I'm capable of feeling something at least, when I usually have an outward stoicism. Nobody, unless they've watched my behaviour closely, would realise that I could be enduring hell or hellraiser at any given moment. Apart from one incident - being robbed at knife point - I've never endured any psychological trauma to trigger it. It's like waking up in a completely different mood than that you went to bed with, for no obvious reason, yet beyond your control.
It's even helped me cultivate interests and my sense of humour - I don't think I would've been able to produce as many detailed blogs if I didn't have it. So I don't consider it a weakness. In fact, I consider it a part of my personality and something I can "live with" and turn to my advantage - the depression makes me more objective, the "mania" more productive, for example - than something that can ever "go away".
The Ending Stigma Campaign
Mental illnesses have physiological/physical causes, usually chronic neurotransmitter/brain chemical imbalances caused by an external stimulus, brain abnormalities or genetics.
However - except in cases of degenerative diseases - a doctor can't shine a light in someone's ear, or open up their skull and "see" the illness. All mental illness diagnoses are based on a personal perspective that can't be quantified by anything else other than the patient's word. You can choose whether to believe them or not.
We all know what physical pain feels like, so we can relate to that. Sometimes it shows itself via physical signs – bleeding for instance. However, you can't do that for mental illnesses other than judging behaviour. Most of the time, there won't be any outward signs at all.
There is no such thing as "looking depressed". That's probably the reason there's a misunderstanding about mental health in the first place.
Five AMs (Eluned Parrott, Llyr Huws Gruffydd, David Melding, Ken Skates and Bethan Jenkins) have been upfront about their own mental health experiences recently. If the Assembly is a true cross-section of society, there'll be around 15 current AMs who have some sort of mental illness. It's not something anybody likes to talk about, because you automatically get labelled and people assume that mental illness is something you can "shake off" or an "excuse" for poor behaviour.
I said I wouldn't bring this up again, but there's been so much verbal diarrhoea spouted I believe, regretfully, that I have to.
There's a philosophical principle called "cause and effect". One action will cause other actions as a consequence. It's perfectly reasonable to suggest that her depression will have contributed to Bethan Jenkins' drink-driving. That's not an "excuse", just an "effect."
Yes, she was irresponsible and reckless. She could've very easily injured or killed herself or someone else, and it was behaviour unbecoming of an elected representative. But I'm not cynical enough to believe she doesn't already know that, and it's a pointless exercise constantly going over what did or didn't happen.
She owned up immediately and has apologised several times. She's been punished as any of us would have – so she didn't, in any way, "get away with it".
Fortunately, we have a rule of law. That means these things are decided by judges working to set guidelines, not whatever the mob considers justice. As far as I'm concerned, the matter ended the moment she left court. Now she's working to make up for it.
Campaigning, and raising awareness of issues others might ignore, is something Bethan Jenkins specialises in. Obviously, she's turned her attention to mental health. She gave an interview to Wales on Sunday last week on her own experiences, joining the other AMs in working towards "ending stigma" with regard mental illnesses.
I'm no longer surprised by the nihilism and cynicism of Wales Online comments, but they really took the biscuit this time. People with mental illnesses : "shouldn't be allowed to vote on laws that affect our lives", "shouldn't be allowed to hold public office", mental illnesses "can't be self-diagnosed" and are a "cop out" etc. They might well have been aiming that at Bethan specifically, but it could easily apply to Eluned, Llyr, Ken and David.
Clearly, the commentators must be fellows of the Royal College of Psychiatrists to be able to judge mental illness from a photograph and words alone. They really must be a Brains Trust over there. Also – in a happy twist of irony – they kind of prove the whole point of the end stigma campaign.
I'd like them to imagine a female relative or friend who committed a similar crime, and who was also suffering from depression. How would they treat her? How would they react if someone said the same things about them from behind a banner of anonymity?
Despite what the commentators may think, Bethan's still a relative or friend to someone. As are all the other AMs they've indirectly attacked. Why should they be treated any differently because of their job titles? What do they expect them to do? Wear all black and have permanent scowls for the rest of their lives? Forming some Senedd tribute version of The Cure or Joy Division?
She was under no obligation to disclose personal information, or to give an interview in the first place, nor were any of the other AMs. They were all trying to do their jobs - raising awareness of an (often overlooked) issue that's affected them personally.
What all the AMs have done is incredibly brave, regardless of the circumstances that prompted them to do so. I don't like to see anyone get picked on like that when they've done the right thing – politician or not. When they're willing to expose themselves like that, they should be respected, not subject to laughs, threats and taunts from a chimps tea party.
Despite the statistics, I'm convinced ALL of us will experience some sort of mental illness at some point in our lives. After revealing my own problems, those commentators have stigmatised me too. I also have friends and family who are currently undergoing treatment for depression.
I'm armed with a half dozen neuroscience and psychology lectures, and spent a lot of time cutting up brains and looking under microscopes. I'm now going to do to the commentators what they were so keen to do to others.
The AMs can defend themselves. It's not for them. It's for everyone else who currently has to endure such pig ignorance and stigma from nameless, faceless cowards or members of the "general public".
How mentally ill are Wales Online commentators?
Paranoid personality disorder – A combative sense of "personal rights" that are out of whack with reality. A tendency to bear personal grudges for very minor, perhaps even non-existent, reasons. A conspirational attitude with regard every day events.
Histrionic personality disorder – A need to be at the centre of attention. Being deliberately provocative in acts or behaviour. Blaming personal failures on others. Style of speech and writing that is expressive but lacking in any concrete details or facts.
Antisocial personality disorder – Callous disregard for the feelings of others. Low tolerance to frustration, often resulting in aggressive behaviour. Lack of remorse for wrong doing. Chronic lying and use of aliases and pseudonyms.
Narcissistic personality disorder – Excessive self-importance. Excessive sense of entitlement. Using "black and white thinking" as a defence mechanism to reinforce their own self-esteem, meaning anyone who doesn't conform to their own standards is "inferior" or worthy of derision.
Sadism – Humiliates people in the presence of others. Excessively harsh in discipline. Takes pleasure from the suffering of others. Gets other people to do things by frightening them. Cowardly projection of hostile fantasies onto others. Excessive feeling of personal hopelessness or disappointment.
Psychological projection (via bullying) – Using coercion, taunts, rumours, harassment and threats to intimidate a target person. Usually caused by envy, low self-esteem or resentment. A strong need to dominate and control despite being actually very weak.
Compulsive Cervical Cymraeg Insertion Syndrome – An oral fixation involving the Welsh language. Usually characterised by a sexual obsession with aspirate mutations, digraphs and a sado-masochistic element where hatred for the Welsh language is used to derive sexual pleasure as a lone or group activity, usually via Welsh being "forced/rammed down the throat".
Coprophilia - I can't prove this. I'm just saying it because, based on everything above, I judge them to be the sort of people who would. The burden of proof's on them. If self-diagnosis for depression isn't good enough, neither is it good enough for this. So, I've diagnosed them myself. The commentators should have to provide hard evidence, from a qualified medical professional, that they're not coprophiles. Until they do, it's safe to assume any contrary claims are a denial of personal responsibility for their own disgusting actions.
Being a terrible human – One day, probably very soon, the people posting those comments are going to be on their death bed. Amongst their only recorded contributions to human knowledge, not even under their real names, was possibly making someone - who's done more for Welsh society in a single interview than they have with years of aimless rambling in comment sections - briefly feel bad about themselves.
They'll hopefully ask themselves - as they face becoming a putrefying, rotting corpse, or pile of ash - "What did I do with my life?" "Was I a good person?" There's not going to be a parade for them. People aren't going to remember their insightful contributions. They're not going to become a contrarian "legend" that everyone is going to pat on the back and say "you were right, we should've listened".
I'd want them to think back on what they've said about others, who - regardless of what those others might have done, or who they are - had the guts to publicly expose their own vulnerabilities. Not for their own good, but to make sure it doesn't have to happen to anyone else. Public service - something these commentators don't understand or appreciate.
I hope the commentators realise, as they shut their eyes for the last time, that quite a few people – even people they never even met – think that because of what they've said for that one brief, brainless, heartless moment, that all they are, and all they will ever amount to, is a waste of perfectly good skin.
Powerful stuff Owen. I agree with your sentiments but be careful you don't become those you despise.
ReplyDeleteAgain great post, thank you.
ReplyDeleteThanks. The underlying message is that it's very easy to draw strong opinions on people based on words, stereotypes, innuendo or deeds without knowing them.
ReplyDeleteI have an advantage in that I can pretty much say whatever I want (within reason). Although that's a powerful freedom, it can also be a powerful weapon when misused. And using it as a weapon - in this case stigmatising people with mental illnesses - can be an excuse to justify taking it away.
Maybe we all need to walk in other people's shoes a bit more, be a bit more careful about passing judgement too quickly and yes, be a bit nicer to each other.
I think I said something - however rough - that had to be said. If nobody else was going to do it, then it was going to have to be me. Besides, I could've ended up saying something really unkind....
It takes guts to write like that, and you emerge the stronger for it. As you know, many of the most creative and interesting people have similar disorders, so at the risk of sounding trite, it is both a curse and a blessing.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing that with us, even if I couldn't help putting one recent commentator on my blog in just about everyone of the categories listed above.
Thanks Cneifiwr. And I wonder which commentator you're talking about....
ReplyDelete